So, if you have been paying attention to Facebook recently. Some people have been posting lame shit like a pic asking "If i were to die tomorrow what would you say to me today?" Like the pic above. Seriously, has the world run out of questions to ask? Or are the lives of the people who post this shit really sad, and that they are just attention deprived? Anyway, simply because I have nothing to write on and also because i get an opportunity to take a swipe on these losers, im going to share things i would probably say if someone ever asked me this question...
1) I slept with ur boyfriend last night. Don’t worry, after your gone i promise i’ll take good care of him...:)
2) Don’t worry you're in safe hands, i heard god is “pro-condom”. Well, at least thats what my ancestors said. But then again, they also said that Jackie Chan was a 7-foot black man who sold chicken wings in Taco Bell for a living...
3) According to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction...
4) Did you know? The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache...
5) Remember ur doctor, Mr. Ramanamanaidu Vellusamy? Yeah i spoke to him....erm, it seems that when he told you that you had 4 more months, he was actually speaking of the time you had left to pay the bill before he called some transexual guys to beat the shit outta you............on the bed of course...
6) Uhmm, i duno how to say this, but i was at ur house just now. I sorta lighted a match and ur house blew up :S....But heyyy, u were going to die anyway, might as well take ur house with you. You know, since robberies are on a rise and all...
7) Hey look at the bright side, you're not gonna die today. Wuhooo lets celebrate!! Let’s go to my friends place for a drink. He was just released from prison today after spending 12 years in prison for killing a guy who was was planning to die the day after he actually got manslaughtered. Im pretty sure he still has the corpse, maybe you guys can share some stories...
8) Dear ____, i always had feelings for you. You are a living part of me. I need you like heart needs a beat, like a leg needs a feet, like fly needs a piece of shit. Anyway could you sign these papers, it says here that after u die, you agree that i get to keep the money from your insurance company...
9) Alright man, wadeva, catch you later...ciao...
10) OHEMGEE! Ur dying? Awwhh don't worry about it, i heard McDonald's charge at a lower rate if you're "out of this world"...
11) Cool, send my regards to MJ and Heath Ledger, also tell them to check their inbox, i sent them a mail cause Facebook was on server maintainance...
12) Man your life is pathetic, the first and only chick you ever banged, turned out to be a Vietnamese hooker with AIDS. Looks like she spread to you more than just some “love”...
13) With that face? Its a miracle you’re only dying after 21 years...
14) So you are planning to commit suicide because you drank too much, hatched the wrong egg, and made a 350-pound girl pregnant on a one night stand? And now her parents wants you to marry her? Maybe you should have stopped buying “merchandise” from the sperm bank when i told you so...
15) Don’t worry, i’ll tell the papers that you want the “sports” section. Yes yes, size 12, Times New Roman, MLA format....i know! FUCK OFF!
16) So smoking finally caught up with you eh? I couldn’t care less, just don’t leave ur cigarette ends on the floor, the cockroaches may die of cancer. The last thing we want is the mortality rate of innocent cockroaches to be on the rise...
