The Fear

Does anyone else experience this? 

Everyone goes to bed, you stay up on your laptop or TV until the early hours in the morning all alone. And then when you finally decide to go to bed, you turn off all the lights downstairs and proceed to go upstairs, and as you take the first few steps, you feel as though you're being watched and that something is following you up. At that point, all kinds of disturbing thoughts engulf your mind and coincidentally they all end with you being casted on an unsolved episode of CSI Miami.

An anorexic whale flies past your window, you snap back to reality, and you suddenly realize that you're too young to die. So you increase your walk speed and start jogging up faster than an Olympic turtle on steroids. You reach the top and you list yourself as the 3100th person to have climbed Mount Everest. You can't let this momentous occasion slip, so you grab a microphone and begin giving a half hour speech; thanking everybody who supported and assisted you in this mammoth achievement; including your parents, who played a significant role by giving birth to such an awesome individual.

As you're placing the flag of your face on the summit of the staircase, you suddenly realize that the little sense of fear that you had earlier had disappeared, and that the invisible bastard who was following you couldn't keep up with your brilliant catwalking ability up the stairs. You find solace knowing that all that years and years of hardwork staying up and watching episode after episode of America's Next Top Model had finally paid off. You go to bed with a smile on your face, knowing that you will be getting a call the next morning from Obama to receive a Medal of Honour for saving the planet from eternal destruction, by saving yourself. For a good 5 seconds, you try imagining a planet without you, but before you can finish picturing the end of the world, Kanye West interrupts your thoughts and Chris Brown knocks you out.