So I woke up today, brushed my teeth, and went downstairs. Then I realized that I left my phone upstairs, so I went back up. Upon reaching upstairs, I put some Colgate on my brush, and started brushing my teeth. As I was tirelessly brushing with style, quality, and excellence, I had this weird sensation in me as if I was being watched. Being a horror movie maniac who has just about sat through every horror movie; including Twilight and Hannah Montana; without flinching a single muscle, I was not fazed and brushed it off thinking that it's probably my body's way of telling me that it has been a day and I had to take a shit or something. So I turned around, faced my ass, and gave it a good pat saying "it's not time yet oh brave one, do not be impatient, when the time is right I shall summon you and RELEASE THE KRAKENNN!"
I continued brushing and I could see a small part of my gums were bleeding, then I recalled how my dentist told me that I always brush wrong, so I figured why not use the right method for once. His method was brilliant, I could see all that dirt stuck between my teeth falling off, as well as other stuff that I never knew were there such as, refrigerators, tv sets, a jumbo jet, a sledge hammer, a bunch of Nickelodean DVD's, as well as some lasers and ninjas and shit. I was almost finished with my brushing so I turned on the tap as I prepared to spit everything out, and TO MY HORROR!! WATER CAME OUT!!! There and then, from that paranormal phenomena, I knew something was not right, I knew I was indeed being watched. Then I recalled how my grandma once told me that when you turn on the tap and water comes out, it's actually the supernatural communicating with you and telling you that you have to drink more water as water is an essential part of our nutrition so that we can stay healthy and have a good life.
I was OFFENDED!! Nobody tells me what to do and how to live my life. That was it, that was my final straw, I had enough of this bullshit, I decided that once I was done with brushing my teeth, I would look up and call someone who is an expert in these matters; such as a medium or a priest; and tell him to buy for me more straws. So I ignored the warning signs and went back to gargling everything out. As I bent down to gargle my mouth, from the far corner of my eye I saw a black figure with bloodshot eyes staring at me. The feeling I had at that moment is indescribable, adrenalin rushed through my body faster than a speeding Ah Beng in a modified turbo Kancil. The hair at the back of my neck stood up, including the hair at the top of my hand, the hair at the top of my leg, my thighs, my forearm, my shoulders, my triceps, my biceps, my....Yeah yeah I'm hairy, I'm Punjabi remember??
So anyway where was I? Ahh yes, the hair in my body all stood up without even using Gatsby gel and I froze, I literally froze, I could not move a single muscle. So I did what anyone else in my position would do and pressed CTRL+ALT+DEL and restarted Windows. While waiting for my body to reboot, I realized what beautiful nails I had and started wondering why weren't I modeling for a nails magazine. My body had resumed, but I still did not want to turn and see what that figure was as the volume icon on my startbar hadn't show up so I still couldn't make any sound after seeing it. Not that I wanted to scream or anything, I was just worried that the figure might go downstairs and finish off the last readymate pizza in my freezer, and I wouldn't be able to call the cops and tell them that I ran out of pizza. So a good few seconds later, the icon finally showed up, and I could still see the figure staring at me from afar. I knew I was not prepared to live in fear of losing more pizzas for the rest of my life, so I braced myself, mustered enough courage, and turned around so I could face the figure. I looked it in the face, and there it was, I had found my black phone.
Then I remembered that brushing my teeth was not the reason I came up for. True story.
