New Year's Resolutions

I noe i noe, u guys must be really shocked. I mean 2 posts in one day? Nowonder the United States of America has a black president. Hold ur horses little ones, the reason im doing this is because I just thought by making another post today, it would keep u guys busy and entertained till 2012, my next post. So anyway, i know its kinda late for this, but u noe since a bunch of my peeps have asked me for this and also i kinda got tired of writing the same shit over and over, i thought i just post it in this blog, where no one reads.....u see wad i mean?

So here we go, my top resolutions for 2010, (honestly, deep inside, i noe u dun give a shit, ur just bored so ur reading this, welcome to the club) the year of the Pikachu....

1) To gain a few pounds so people can distinguish between me and a flagpole.
-Most celebrities have look a likes, for example, my neighbour, my maid and my dog. On the other hand, my look alike is...yes, a flag pole. Geez, and u thought ur life was sad...

2) Speak 50 different languages, im almost there, i can speak 6 already.
-In almost 20 years of life, i have learned to speak Punjabi, Chinese, Malay, Hindi, English and Crap-anese. So that means, if i dun die at 30 with a broken penis, i prolly still have 60 more years to learn Spanish, Italian, French, German, Djiboutianese, Taiwanese, Japanese, Yourmum-ese, Pokemonian, and etc. One language that has always caught my eye, is "Sean-Paul-ish", nope...not Jamaican, Sean-Paul-ish. That guy had so many top 10 songs, and every single one of em, i have no fucking idea wtf is he saying (Im pretty sure im not the oni one).....I oni listen to it because the song sounds really cool, everytime i try to focus on the lyrics, it sounds like something Miley Cyrus would say when she's munching Wang Wang (that overrated and hyped up Chinese biscuit that is believed to give u divine powers after every bite) while doing karaoke. No actually on second thought, i dun even think the Wang Wang is necessary, just give her the mic and u'll noe wad i mean...

3) Undergo sex change repeatedly to confuse the government......and myself...
-No comments...

4) Work out in the gym, building on my "Gunz & Roses" (my twig-like biceps)
-You see, i have come to a sudden realization that "The Rolling Stones" at the lower half of my body are larger than my biceps. And i believe its a time for rebellion, a time for revolution, a time for change. I have a dream.....all black people of the United Sta.....no seriously, i had a dream, that one day, all fag-like humans will come to terms with their "assets" and try to find a balance between their biceps (the chick magnet) and balls (the real chick magnet).

5) Quit drinking
-As many of you have already known, plain water kills brain cells and has various other side effects. So stay away from that shit or it could end ur life at an early age. Just look at how some people who died from this cause, Thomas Jefferson, Heath ledger and Sadam Hussein are just a few of the casualties. So stay away from dat shit, dun say i didn't warn u...

6) Quit doing drugs
-Hey my case is not so severe and chronic like most people, all i smoked was Pot, Crack, Heroin, Ice, Shroom, Weed, Speed, Coke, Steroids, Talwin, Khat, Hasish, Morphine, Benzocaine, Amphytomine, Peyote and Acid. Yeah but u see, ive stopped, ive been clean for quite some time now. I've not touched a single pill in the last 4 minutes...

7) Stop bullshitting and be more serious in life...
-Hmmm, ermmm........nah, ill pass this one...

8) Conserve more water.
-In this modern era, the exponential growth of mankind has led to an abundant consumption of water. We all noe water is a source of renewable energy, but its gonna run out one day. The question is not "Is water ever gonna run out?", but its "when?" Its oni about time. To help save water, I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible, drink 8 glasses of my own saliva instead of drinking water, pea on my car...its just as effective, Use my neighbours water supply by connecting a drain pipe on his water tank when he's sleeping, and of course i will buy more Kung Fu DVD's, so i can learn the art of mastering a superpower. I mean if chinaman can fly, shoot poison needles, produce tornadoes, and fire hadoukens (better knowns as abugeh)....im sure creating water shouldnt be much of a problem...

9) Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.
-Lets just say the moral of the story was, "Dun ever slap the judge in his face after peeing on him"......all i can say is, 62 years gonna be a long time. Especially without a parole...

10) I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet.
-This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I could never afford a clock. I come from a poor family, we suffered alot of hardship growing up. My dad drove an ugly 2 door car called Ferrari, while my mum painted herself black daily and renamed herself Oprah. I watched tv for the first time when i was 16. I married 4 women by 28 and produced a cricket team hoping to earn some quick cash cultivating the farms, but to no avail. So the next time u guys see me, have some sympathy and "donate" me some much needed cash, all donations are much appreciated. After all, remember the good times? *empty flashback*

11) NOT interrupt Taylor Swift if she is making an acceptance speech at a music awards.
-I cant make any promises, and i certainly won't make any promises. But i promise i'll try.

12) To avoid having 8 kids just to get a reality TV show.
-Err, anyone have a big trash can? I got some "stuff" to throw out...

13) See Michael Jackson live in concert. What? He died? How come there was no media coverage?
-OMG, i just found out :O....my condolences, RIP MJ, RIP...

14) Learn to speak Russian in French...
-The day u discover such a thing, be sure to let me noe...

That's all i got....peace.